Jen’s New Year’s Post

Dec 31

Normally, Andrew does the “Year in Review” post and I check it out before it posts. Last year he was slacking so I did it. He did his post this year and I wasn’t going to post anything because he pretty much covered it all and what he didn’t cover in the most recent post, we covered in previous posts. Normally I’ll tell about the recent comings and goings in our lives or I’ll post the occasional rant. This will be a different post. I’m not really one for making New Year’s resolutions. Whenever I tried to make them in the past they didn’t last long. This year I’m going to make some resolutions but of a different kind. Usually my resolutions are stuff like working out more, eating better, losing weight, getting my teeth fixed, finding a better job, etc. While all those things are all well and good what I want to focus on is just being a more positive person. I tend to dwell on the negative so this is a big step for me. As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in September. I still haven’t been to the Rheumatologist, the soonest I could get in was on 1/17/13. While this diagnosis was somewhat expected, you never know how you’ll react until it actually happens. Looking back, I’ve had the symptoms for about 10 years. When I first got the diagnosis, I went through some depression issues. I learned that I really need to think about what I’m going to do before I actually do it. Sometimes it’s tiring just to get out of bed and get a shower. I have learned that I really need to pace myself when it comes to cleaning the house. I have learned that I can’t spend the entire day in the kitchen baking, which really drives me nuts because I LOVE to bake. I really started thinking about my life, where I’ve been and where I want to be in the future. I made a lot of realizations about myself, I realized that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. I realized this back in February when Andrew had his accident. When he came home from the hospital I was his only caregiver. I had to help him with EVERYTHING. He was completely dependent on me. He had to use a bedside commode which I had to clean out after every use, he couldn’t get his own meals, he couldn’t bathe or dress himself on his own, I had to do everything for him as well as all the cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring.  On top of all that, I had to tie up all the loose ends for the wedding. Fittings, payments, etc. I couldn’t just push it off on someone else which is something I’ve always done and gotten away with in the past. I must admit that as bad as his accident was, it really helped to strengthen our relationship. There were days where I was so overwhelmed that I would go back to the bedroom for a good cry. I was never one to think of crying as being therapeutic but it really helped me. I also had an awesome support system of both friends and family to vent to and keep me sane. I am most thankful for our upstairs neighbor and friend Brandon. Without him I never would’ve gotten through those months of taking care of Andrew. I want to take this opportunity to say Thank You Brandon. You always seemed to know when I was overwhelmed and were always available to talk even if only for a minute. You have no idea how much Andrew and I appreciate your friendship. I’m sorry if I seem to be rambling on but I really feel the need to get this all out.  I also want to say how grateful I am for my wonderful husband. I’d hate to think of what my life would be without him in it. He is my rock. He’s been my shoulder to cry on my ear to vent to when family drama gets to me. We’ve been there for each other through thick and thin and always will be. I know there will be many challenges in our future but there’s no one I want to face them with but him. I know 2012 has given us some pretty shitty moments and I’m sure 2013 will too but like they say, God never closes a door without opening a window and that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I’ve learned patience, I’ve learned to see the positive even when there doesn’t seem to be anything positive in a situation, I’ve learned to be strong and not whine so much. I’ve learned that I am what I am and I am who I am and if people can’t accept that then I don’t need them in my life. Take me as I am because I’m not going to change just to satisfy someone. I no longer care what people think of me. In closing, I would like to thank all of you who took the time to read my ramblings and wish you all a safe, happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.

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